hello

I haven't really been doing any work in regards to the CBT since school is out of session and I'm in New York. Symptoms have been quite strong lately, with family gatherings. I feel that if I don't play with the kids and be social that it'll be a reflection on me as someone who just can't be around other people. However, I know that despite not living up to the social expectations I have for myself, my grandparents talk to me the same (probably isn't such a big deal to her, if she even notices) and really if people form that opinion of me as someone is secluded and incompetent socially well - I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. So ya, of course I'm socially inhibited. Furthermore it really doesn't effect me, like at all. If someone thinks I'm socially awkward or incapable of talking then they form that opinion and it stays in their brain. It might change the way the behave around me, and they may gossip to other people if they have nothing better to do. But it's not like it really effects MY life. Even if people view me negatively, they're just people I see every once in a while and there are plenty of other people in this world to whom first impressions can still be made.


In any event the impression of anxiety or quietness leaves once you've overcome the SA and become like yourself again, as I've noticed people who've commented on how boring I've been and how little I talk seem to forget all about that in the times my SA is in remission. I do long for the days when I don't feel this great weight on me in social situations but I recognize that a lot of hard work is left ahead of me if I'm going to get better.